Sorting through feelings. . .

This week has been an emotional challenge for me. . . when first receiving Dano's call on Sunday night. My tears came quickly and my prayers were simple. Monday morning I was so grateful for all my family, everyone was wanting to know what was being done and what they could do to love and support Kayla, Amy, Dano and the little boys. Prayers, Prayers and more Prayers because gratefully all was according to Heavenly Father's will and lessons were in store.
These opportunities for growth are "Faith building" and so challenging. Again many reasons to count blessings and see miracles.
On Tuesday my visiting teachers lesson was much more than the usual lesson. Sister Christiansen broke down the message on Self Reliance and we searched the scriptures. We pondered on the purpose of self reliance, "to be like our Savior". Gaining knowledge, gaining skill, having ways to support and provide for our own needs so we can then care for and help others, "Charity". She made a point of bringing out how our Faith, Hope and Charity will move "mountains" and then she qualified that by reminding me of how that might mean personal mountains. I really appreciated her special preparation and the message because I know that my faith can always grow.
Wednesday I went with Isis and Mamina to visit Orchard Park, a care center. We have come to believe that my mother will be needing professional care, she is very forgetful and some of her needs are more than we can provide in our homes. We never thought that she would need to be in the care of strangers and this is hard for her and us. She called me later to let me know that she agrees that we have done the best we can and that she is prepared to follow through with moving to Orchard. The interesting thing about this is that she has not called me for any reason in about 5 months. She also surprised my sisters and I when at the hospital 2 weeks ago. . . we were translating what the ER doctor had said about the value of family support. He said how sad and difficult it is for him as a physician to have folks who's family is estranged or who have "no family". She then said I have said many things to discredit you girls especially Nina, she looked at me and said that she knew that she had said many hurtful things to me and about me. It didn't really hit me until the next day when I was saying my prayers . It was validating on one level and also terrible to know that she meant to hurt me. I was thankful for the responsibility she took and know this didn't come naturally to her because she has never wanted to be seen as capable of anything bad. "We are all capable of anything." I have Daniel to thank for always reminding me of this truth. His example has also shown me that along with being capable of good and bad we are worth loving. He has forgiven me much and loves me.
There is a lesson for me that I want to share. Sorry about the rambling,sometimes I don't feel like my children judge me according to "who they know me to be". I was doing that to my mom and I can do "Better" I will treat her according to what I know about her both the good (which there is much about her and her life that has been good) and the bad, because after all she is human and flawed. I hope that my family will love me, know that I am flawed and let me know how I can repent and be better. Unlike my mother I have time and resources available to right my wrongs and show all of you that I want and will be better. On Modern Family the moral taught was about being able to change and I am really glad that my resolution to "Be Better" is being supported by my a fun sitcom!